Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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