Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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