I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
did i just pee glitter
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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