I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
