New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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