Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
