Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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