U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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