You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
