So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
ttyl tear gas
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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