Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
