is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
