ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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