dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
