My first STD was from a foam party
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
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I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?