operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing