I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
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Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
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Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.