Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.