It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
