Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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