a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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