Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
