There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
