When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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