new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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