Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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