college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
