I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
