She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
