see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
