he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
