his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
