I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
