Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
