I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
