And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
