I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
