when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
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