I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
