hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
