My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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