I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
