how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
