just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
