Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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