she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
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Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
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Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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