just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I said "one day" and that day is not today
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
