I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
