the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
