you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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