She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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