Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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