Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
