this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
