Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
