he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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