I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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