so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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