i can't believe i had my finger in that
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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