she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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