Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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