I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
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