FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
