Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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