Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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