Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
