well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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