Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
