3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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