It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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