I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
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you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
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A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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