I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
