What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
