Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
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i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
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Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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