I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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