We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
