mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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