I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
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New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
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Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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