pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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