I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
