I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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