You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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