"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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